The Q: I’ve been doing some thinking about our upcoming wedding, but we’re not sure about spending money on a big wedding. Has anyone ever done just a cocktail wedding where their friends and family can have a good time with or without dancing? Please give me your thoughts on alternative “weddings”.
The A: ABSOLUTELY!!! First, it’s a very North Eastern notion that your wedding needs to involve a sit down dinner for everyone that you’ve ever known… or anyone at all, frankly. One of the most enlightening things that I learned last year when I went to the Association of Bridal Consultants conference was that most of my peers in the south were MAINLY planning cocktail receptions for tons and tons of guests. The idea of cutting your guestlist there is un-heard of, and cocktail receptions are considered the completely normal way to efficiently host your guests.
But even here in New York, last year I saw more cocktail receptions than ever before- most of them involving dancing- but none of them involving sit down dinners. It is a completely fun and totally acceptable way to have a great reception. However, if you are dealing with guests who aren’t accustomed to cocktail receptions, here are some tips on making it successful.
1) Don’t time your reception around a meal time. I.e. Don’t have a ceremony at noon, immediately followed by cocktails, because guests will be expecting lunch. Same for a 5 or 6PM start in the evening. Consider a 2PM or 3PM ceremony, with the reception starting at 3 or 4.
2) Your wedding reception doesn’t need to be 5 hours. 4 hours is more than enough for a cocktail reception. You don’t need the “cocktail hour” since your reception is a grand “cocktail” hour.
3) Try and have something happen every hour….perhaps the first hour is just mingling, then mark the 2nd hour with your dance and your parent dances and then mark the 3rd hour with toasts (or mix up the toasts and the dances each hour) and then mark the final hour with your cake. Or, with one clients wedding we served different food each hour and put out little menu cards so guests would know what to expect.
4) Don’t be afraid to mix up the drinks either. Have the first hour be just passed cocktails- maybe a signature drink and prosecco. This is great for a) making it feel more varied and b)saving a bit of money and (probably most importantly) c) stopping people from getting totally hammered.
5) Even if you are having only passed items, consider a few things that are “heavier” like a risotto cup or mini-burgers, because people are drinking and while you aren’t serving a full meal, you don’t want people starving. Personally, I like to have a couple of HEAVY stations, like a paella station.
6) Have some seating. Not everyone will want to dance and if you have stations, people like a place to sit with their little plate o’ food.
Loved your answer! I’m planning a grand cocktail reception, complete with heavy apps, full bar, live band with dancefloor, and seating. It is also an open-air building so mingling outside will occur. My question to you is, “should I have a table place setting for every person attending?” We are having a traditional dining area with tables and chairs, plus a furniture lounge air with a sofa, loveseat, large ottomans and small cocktail tables. There will be tall pub-style tables, and a few patio tables for outdoor dining. Can I assume that everyone will not want to sit at a regular dining table at the same time? I’ve never been to a cocktail reception like this, and the thought of it is so perfect for us. Please help me! Thanks!
Kate, Don’t have a place setting for every person. I think seating for 3/4 of your guests is more than fine. Otherwise, people will think they need to find a table. It’s a bit more awkward.
-TBM