The Q: We’re having a cocktail reception with dancing and I’m finding a lot of tension between my mother and I about the “tone” of the wedding. She’s very concerned about her friends and our family feeling comfortable. She’s also obsessed with there being music that they will dance to, etc. I don’t want a cheesy wedding and I’d like it to be more modern. I also want to be sure that my friends are having a good time. Any tips?
The A: I’m going to start on a seeming tangent, but I swear,I’ll bring it back to your question. The other night, I went to see As You Like it at BAM with Anna from JAM (Just About Married… once we realized the anacronym, we’ve been making JAM jokes non-stop). I’d never read or seen this particular Shakespeare play, so imagine my surprise at the fact that the entire play culminates in a quadruple wedding. This being Shakespeare and the play being over 400 years old, I don’t think that qualifies as a “Spoiler”. In actuality, As You Like It is a really old Romantic Comedy.
Aside from the play containing this elaborate wedding scene, it struck me as related to this situation for another reason. One thing that made Shakespeare so very rich to watch and enduring is that each of his plays contains a rich tapestry of ages, characters and personalities. He wrote characters that were young and pretty and naive and in love. He wrote characters that were wise, sickly and always with a bit of spunk. He wrote middle age, parental and protective. And while mixing all these things creates some tension (especially in the lead up) it is exactly these things that make his stories so enduring and memorable.
In the moment, it got me thinking how many Rom-Coms I’ve watched are literally disposable stories about two pretty young people with their pretty sidekick friend thrown in for antics and the story is enjoyable, but not “sticky”. But insert tension between siblings and the love of cousins and family arguments and suddenly it’s all more funny and more durable.
A wedding is much like the Shakespeare play. One of the things that makes a wedding such a memorable day is that it ISN’T another night out with all of your friends at a bar. While that is fun and funny, it’s all the more fun and funny when suddenly your 70 year old uncle is yuking it up with your roommate from college.
To your mother’s point, ALWAYS think about guest comfort. Especially with a cocktail party- be sure to have some reserved seating for older guests. Make sure that everyone, especially your older guests will have enough food and get access to it (tip: stations HELP with the feeling of having eaten). These are the things that help them feel relaxed and in being relaxed they will then ENJOY.
To your point, we don’t give other generations quite enough credit. You don’t need to pander too much. Your older guest aren’t 25 or 35, and may not have Lady Gaga on their ipod (or, have an ipod in some cases) BUT they aren’t too old for fun. One of my best memories EVER is my grandfather and I dancing to “Vogue” at my cousin Regina’s wedding. He actually Vogued. This was long ago enough that Vogue was a relevant song, btw.
