Always A Blogsmaid » stress

Serenity Now

Salome — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 14:54:32 +0000

Love that episode! Just a note, I will always look for an opportunity to shamelessly plug Seinfeld episodes.

I was blackberry messengering (a.k.a. bbm’ing) with my engaged gal pal today and while the conversation started simply enough about what to make for dinner, it quickly escalated into a sort of bridal meltdown. She was literally coming apart at the seams and as we all know, there is no more accurate way to judge one’s emotions and tone than by bbm, gchat, IM, yadda, yadda, yadda. I delicately inquired as to the source of her angst and she quite simply said, “no more decisions, too many decisions to make”. Indeed she was correct, being a bride-to-be can be the most amazing, awe inspiring and pain in the butt thing you may ever do. So, in the midst of it all, don’t be afraid to put yourself in a time-out, and don’t for a second think that you don’t need or deserve it. I mean, I got married over a month ago and I still take time outs! It’s kind of like putting on your oxygen mask first so that you can keep your wits about you (and consciousness) and then hopefully be of some help to others. A bitchy, um…I mean, stressed B2B is no fun for anyone! :(

My life and the lives of those around me will hopefully be a little less stressful now that Adorable Gift Baskets has come into my life. Whether for yourself, your mom, your friend, your bridesmaids or yeah I guess, your beau… who doesn’t love a little “just because” pampering.

PS – MUCH cooler holiday gift than those baskets of assorted nuts and berries and refurbished chocolate nuggets. A squirrel with a sweet tooth? Not so much.

PPS – Anything that says “Sausageman” gets 2 snaps up in a circle from Salo!

Mandarin & Melon ... $39.99

Bathtime Relaxation ... $84.00

Foot Spa Pedicure Gift Set ... $49.99

Pretty Pink ... $69.95

Fragrance Retreat Candle Basket ... $54.99

Refreshing Pamper Rattan Basket ... $59.95

Refreshing Pamper Spa ... $59.95

Relax & Pamper Spa Kit ... $63.50

Relaxing Aromatherapy ... $59.95

Relaxing Yoga ... $79.99

Nutty Stress Relief ... $49.95

Unique Gift for Him ... $49.50

Man Skills ... $59.95

Best Selling Sweet, Savory ... $64.95

muah!

Sal

Parents: Can’t We All Just Get Along?

The Blogsmaid — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 15:47:46 +0000

The Q: I’m sure i’m not the only bride with this issue but I can’t seem to find any good ideas on the web… My parents recently divorced (and it was a nasty one). However, I always imagined my father walking me down the aisle. Also, my father and I will do the traditional father daughter dance. How can I honor my mother?
Thanks for any advice! Also if you could point me to any other advice about dealing with angry divorced parents I would greatly appreciate it.

The A: You are so right. Just on this blog, I’ve had so many questions involving divorced parents. Here is the thing, no matter how contentious the divorce, they will want to do their very best to not freak out or freak you out on the wedding day. That said, you should always be up front about your plans in the very beginning and tell them each not only THEIR role, but also the role the other parent will have- surprises in this sensitive area often make for bad moments on wedding days.

So, in terms of the aisle, often in this situation with my clients, I borrow from Jewish tradition and suggest that both parents walk you down the aisle together. They can put their differences aside for long enough to get you down the aisle. If that isn’t what you had in mind, then I would suggest that when you get to the end of the aisle, before you are ‘given away’, your mother should get up from her seat and meet you at the front of the aisle and walk you (with your dad) those final steps. After he lifts your veil (if you are wearing one) you can kiss them both and they can both warmly greet your fiance.

I would suggest for the reception that if you are dancing with your dad, you NOT have him make any toasts and instead offer that opportunity up to your mother. It should be a toast early on in the evening. This has worked well for many clients and even for one of my dear friends… after her mother’s toast we segued into her dance with her dad and it was a beautiful moment with her parents whose divorce had been quite lengthy.

Another option that we’ve seen BRIDES do (never seen a groom do this) is to dance with their mothers as well as their fathers, and literally split the song. It’s not “traditional”, but it gives them both a moment in the sun.

And don’t forget, if you want to make mom feel more special, the dress, the getting ready portion of the day, the hair and make up…. these are all a time for ladies where you can really have some special time together.

I don’t know if I have other sites to suggest (other than the knot or brides.com’s etiquette columns) but here are some old posts here from other readers with similar issues: A general list of do’s and don’ts for parents who don’t get on well. Another is dealing with getting down the aisle.

I know this is stressful, and no one wants to be a bridezilla, but at some point, if it starts to become a little too much about them and their issues, remind them that this is not about their relationship. This day is about YOUR relationship and (in the nicest, lovingest way possible) let them know they might need to suck it up for one, sure to be wonderful, day.

Bad Bride

The Blogsmaid — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 19:47:14 +0000

The Q: I know this is going to be a strange question but you have such great advice for everyone, I thought I’d give it a go. Two months ago my boyfriend asked me to marry him and I enthusiastically said YES. Shortly after this though, my mind started spinning as I thought of all the planning and preparation we would need to do for the wedding and reception. Over the last few years I have had an unhealthy amount of family responsibilities and for the first time in my adult life I have some time to myself. Thinking of all the wedding plans started to really stress me out. When I discussed this with my fiance, he immediately offered to take on most of the planning duties which I thought was funny and cute and awesome. I accepted and immediately felt better. I thought the problem was solved except that now several of my friends have started commenting that it doesn’t make any sense for me to miss out on the “fun” of planning a wedding. One friend of mine even told me that it was mean of me to give those responsibilities to my fiance. On top of that, they are all pressing me about who I will have as my Maid of Honor, etc… I feel like a bad bride but I don’t think I have the energy to be what my friends would consider a good bride. Help!

The A: Bad Bride, don’t let people get you down. You aren’t bad at all actually. Not everyone finds joy in planning all of the details of their “big day”. In fact, that is sometimes why people hire us! If your fiance is into the details of how to make the day come together and doesn’t seem burdened by the process, I don’t see anything wrong with this reversal of typical gender roles in the wedding planning process. Honestly, no reason at all to feel badly. Tell your friends and nay sayers that millions of grooms out there have no idea whats going on with their wedding plans, and no one says anything to them. It’s your party with your fiance, other people’s opinions aren’t really of issue here. The important part is that you were excited to MARRY this great guy. Often that gets lost in the process of planning a wedding. Good luck to you and enjoy the surprises you find on your big day.